I Surrender

UPDATE:  Cash has slept through the night for two nights now!   All my stressing and being upset obviously worked.  OR he is just feeling better than he had been.

Today, I admit defeat. 

I am barely keeping my eyes open and holding it together. 

I'm not going to try and be supermom anymore.

We have had a rough go these last couple of weeks. 

Cash is in one of his "moods"

He cried for 2 straight hours last night, from 1am until 3am.  That's when I got up with him for the second time and rocked him until his eyes fluttered shut.  I don't know how any living thing can yell at the top of their lungs for 2 hours and not get tired, hoarse, or bored.  We have tried every sleep method possible--I read books, researched sleep training on the internet, and tried everything I could think of but he Will Not sleep through the night (except on a fluke).  And some nights, like the last few, he would rather lay wide-eyed and look around and chatter.  Maybe it is teeth, but we can't find any new ones swelling up.

Parents who have babies who sleep well should feel very lucky that they do not have the boys I do.  I would like to think maybe I am so warm, caring, nurturing, and fun that they would rather be with me than sleep.

HA!

 

This sleep deprivation gets to all of us, and some days there is more snapping and yelling than laughing.  Someday soon I'm sure this will all be a bad memory, but we've been saying that for 8 months now. 

So until this stage of life passes, I will not try to get everything done. 

I will not try and make perfectly healthy from scratch dinners.

I will not try to keep the counters clean and clothes put away.

I will try to be more compassionate towards Tyler, who finds my last nerve hourly.

And I will try to realize that Cash is not trying to punish me, and that he really and truly loves me.

I cried for too many months trying and failing to get pregnant with him, and I will remember how I felt when the miraculous + sign finally showed up.

I will feel lucky he is mine.