Since having a child 21 months ago, I think a lot about time. And about kids growing up. (I include myself in this category). My dad used to tell us we should take pills that would stop us from growing up. It became an old joke but I found myself saying it to Tyler the other day.
I have been back to work full time for a year now, and while I enjoy many aspects of the job, I still find myself driving by daycare and straining my neck just in case Tyler is outside playing. I will never be able to see him because he is in the fenced back play yard. But I still look EVERY time. *maybe he will be looking out the window and see me!* I try not to stop in and visit because it is sad to leave him there, laughing with his friends and eating goldfish crackers while waving "BYE" to me
I have talked to a lot of mothers in the last year about returning to work. Everyone has different thoughts about it, but it is more common for them to say they wished to be home more than at work more. One rancher woman said "not a day has gone by that I wish I was being paid to be away from my kids than at home taking care of them." I believe this is true for lots of women, and I have been struggling to find a balance--on the weekends there are so many things I WANT to do but instead I do all the things I HAVE to do. It doesn't help living so far from stores.
This week I am going down to work only part-time. I know it isn't a big leap but it feels like a big transition to me....less pay....reduced benefits...blah blah. But I am trying to make myself think "time to read books and make healthy meals and rebuild my compost bin." I know it will get easy after that first extra day off!
I don't know if I could be an all-out domestic diva right now, but I am hoping to wake up my more creative side and do some of the projects and fun things I lie in bed and think about.